We all got packed the car was loaded, there was a brief silence and then the question. Can I drive. Stephen’s favorite three words now. I start listing all the reasons why this night would not be good, mainly it is because it is late and it is night. We pull around to the front of the church and head out for Shady Green Pastures. It is the only kind of camping I do. Indoor plumbing, beds, kitchen and indoor bathroom. For the ruffing part there is no air… Just as we begin to get on the interstate Sandy made the were going on a trip obligatory statement, ” I feel like we are missing something.” As we all began to go through the list of things we brought, what went across my mind is, “Yes we are missing something.”. We are missing Andrew. This the the Shady Green Pastures trip, one of his favorite places to go. It is a feeling I have all the time now. When we are at home and things are quiet, Something is missing. We we go out to eat, one of Andrew’s favorite past times, Something is missing. We we head over to the church, or watch the orchestra, or the kids stand up to sing, I think something is missing.

It is not that something is lost, but something is missing. I am enjoying our vacation at Shady Green Pastures. I have really enjoyed playing games with Sandy and Stephen and Charis. We had a wonderful time with several families front he church who came out to join us to day. In the back of my mind is always the gnawing feeling that Something is Missing. I laid down to sleep tonight and Andrews smile just appeared in my mind and it was then I realized what was missing was him.

He is not lost, I did not start to panic and search frantically around the camp ground because I could not see him. There is just an emptiness in the pit of my stomach that will not go away and it is not the chemo. Something was missing but I am so thankful that I know where he is. It does not take away the missing feeling, but it does remove the fear.

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